The knowledge that our children are safe, happy and emotionally sound is one of our greatest concerns. If they were being traumatized by something at school or, even worse, the attentions of a predator, we would want to be the first to know.

The only way we can truly be sure that they are all right, or if something is troubling them, is if they feel they can confide in us on a person-to-person basis. But are we actually listening to them as equals, or are we listening to them with condescending ears and, in the process, inadvertently breaking these lines of communication between parent and child — leaving them unwilling to come to us for help?

“Children don’t seem to get as much respect as other members of society,” said Julie Scandora, teacher and author of the book “Rules Are Rules.” “They experience the same emotional obstacles as adults, but this is often overlooked by grown-ups.

Parents need to treat children with respect and ensure a trusting relationship.”

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Here are five of Scandora’s tips to help you
communicate more effectively with your children:

1. Listen.
It sounds obvious, but if your children don’t think they will be heard,
they won’t go to you with the hard questions or problems.

2. Create opportunities to interact with your kids.
Families spend so much time apart these days. Use “car time” — such as the
20-minute drive to school — as a time to communicate with your children.

3. Lead by example.
Far too many parents opt for the “do as I say not as I do” method. But this sends mixed
messages to children regarding important situations.

4. Respect the child’s intuition.
We all have “gut feelings,” and if kids are encouraged to trust theirs, they will be able
to heed their intuition in dicey situations when we aren’t around to help.

5. Don’t confuse “respect” with “giving in.”
It is important that the parental role is not usurped. Don’t give in to kids just to diffuse a
problematic situation. Instead communicate with them and let them know why rules are rules.