Happy Parents’ Day
Not An Expert, Just A Dad
by Jon Buzby

May and June — two months with perhaps the most important holidays: Mother’s and Father’s Day. At least in America. In Romania and several other countries, there are no such days.
All of us reading this were brought into this world by a mother and most of us grew up with a father. Good, bad or indifferent, a parent played a role in your life. And now, most likely if you are reading this magazine you are now a parent, too.

In addition, I’m sure some of you are now playing the role of parent for your parents, as they age and need more care. My siblings and I joke all the time about who is going to have to change Dad’s diapers.

Others might be just starting out being a mommy or daddy. If so, you’ve experienced the three Ps: puked on, peed on and pooped on.

Many of you are probably also living through what I consider to be the most frustrating period of being a parent — raising a teenager. Or, if you are like me, being told all the things you aren’t doing correctly while rearing (as in, pain in the rear) a teenager.

I realize more about myself as a parent every day. And one of the things I learn more than anything is that I’m a lot more like my parents than I ever thought I would be. They actually taught me more useful tidbits than at anytime during my 18 years of formal education.

I learned from my parents the importance of values. I had it instilled in me early on that the word character is meant to be a compliment, not a tag vying for the class clown award.

They taught me that doing things for others is the way to live life, not a way to make a living.
Although my parents forced us to attend church regularly, what I really learned from all those hours in the pew reading the bulletin for typos is that it doesn’t matter how often you go, what religion you are or how much money you give. The bottom line is, all any higher being wants is for people to treat others as they wish to be treated.

Around our house it was OK for dad to do a load of laundry or cook a meal and perfectly fine for mom to take out the trash. I’ve told this story to my son a hundred times whenever he is asked to dust his room or put his clothes away.

But I’m still not a perfect parent (just ask my teenager). My mother used to tell me that she was sorry I was the first child because she made all her mistakes on me. I never understood that until now (but still think she did a darned good job if I do say so myself, and in case she reads this!).

I look back on some of the decisions I made raising my first son and marvel at myself that I could have been so dumb. And then I chuckle as I watch my 1-year-old, knowing that even though I won’t make those same mistakes with him, there will be countless others that he’ll have to suffer through.

I think the most valuable lesson I’ve learned as a parent so far is that it’s OK to be wrong. And even more OK to admit it. And not just to myself or my wife, but to the person bearing the brunt of my mistakes — my son. I’ve learned that admitting I’m wrong is not saying I’m a bad parent or that I’m “soft,” but rather that I’m human. My parents taught me that, too.

As parents, if we aren’t willing to admit that occasionally our decisions are questionable or our judgments justifiably criticized, we are in fact robbing our children of possibly the most valuable parenting lesson we can teach them.

Being a parent is a full-time job that doesn’t end when your children turn 18, just ask your mom or dad. No matter what stage of parenting we are in we should be willing to admit our mistakes and learn from them.

What a valuable, lifelong lesson to instill in our children and one that we should certainly start teaching if we don’t already. As parents, it’s the perfect Mother’s or Father’s Day gift to our children, or our parents.

I still have many mistakes to make as a parent — and I’m sure a few as a son. In fact, I’m sure my dad will be the first one to tell me I’m changing his diaper wrong. I just hope my teenager learns how to change them before I’m that age.

To all you moms and dads out there, especially mine — Happy Parents’ Day!

‹ Jon Buzby is a nationally syndicated columnist and father of two sons who lives in Wilmington, Del. He can be reached through his Web site, www.jonbuzby.com