At first, it may seem like being pregnant is a thrilling time in your life. And, for the most part, it absolutely is. But there’s one thing we’d like to do without, during pregnancy: rude behavior by others.

We run into a period when our hormones are raging, we are feeling self-conscious because we have gained weight and, to top it all off, we receive criticism from others. You’d think that the only thing people would be offering to pregnant women is well wishes.

Yet it couldn’t be farther from the truth. As you probably already have discovered, people can say some very hurtful things, be downright rude and offer unwanted advice about everything related to birth and raising a child. Whatever you do, don’t internalize the negativity. There are ways of dealing with it, once you are prepared and realize why people do it and what the best ways are to addressing it.

Common Concerns
Whether it’s your first pregnancy or your sixth, like Sharlene Crull of Clarkston, Mich., it’s not uncommon to hear unwanted opinions. People may comment on the cost of raising a child, your weight gain, the circumcision decision, pain medication during delivery and breastfeeding once the baby arrives.

“Being pregnant with my sixth child, I am certainly no stranger to rude remarks and nosy people,” Crull said. “I’ve heard it all. I’ve been told outright to stop having children, that I’m crazy, and even questions about where I’ll fit another kid in the house.”

She doesn’t let the criticism get to her. In contrast to most American families today, the Crulls have always wanted a big family. Luckily, Sharon has developed a clever way of responding to the naysayers.

“When I get comments, I usually respond by telling them that the day I ask them for money to help care for the kids is the day their rude advice will be welcome,” she said. “I make a joke out of it, but I think my point is well taken.”

Rapid Responses
“Pregnancy is hope embodied,” said Dr. Eileen Kennedy-Moore, psychologist and author of several books, including “What about Me? Twelve Ways to Get Your Parents’ Attention Without Hitting Your Sister” (Parenting Press, 2005). “Often, people are drawn to pregnant women as symbols of the miracle of life.”

She explained that seeing pregnant women also can bring up strong feelings when women remember their own pregnancies. While some of the advice is well intentioned and may be useful or interesting, it’s not uncommon at times for people to cross the line by being intrusive or rude. Kennedy-Moore offers the following tips on handling the not-so-helpful reactions you may receive:

Unwanted Advice. Simply give a noncommittal “hmmm.” It’s important to remember that, as an adult, you are entitled to make your own choices about what is right for you and your family, without having to justify it to strangers or relatives.

Unflattering Observations. Remember that every pregnancy is different. If someone is comparing your weight gain, diet, etc. to someone else’s, just tell them you are following your doctor’s advice.

War Stories. It may seem like everyone that’s ever been pregnant will try to tell you horror stories of their delivery. This can terrify you and make you more stressed out as your due date approaches. Put a stop to these comments quickly by saying they make you nervous and you’d rather talk about something else.

Nosy Questions. There’s no doubt that people will ask pregnant women how much weight they have gained. As rude as it is, keep in mind it’s not something you have to answer. Don’t answer any questions you feel uncomfortable answering; simply say that you’re not comfortable answering such a personal question.

Unwanted Touching. Many people can’t seem to resist the urge to rub a pregnant belly. If you find this unsettling, try holding something in front of your stomach, or tell people your belly is uncomfortably sensitive.
“Handling intrusive interest in your pregnancy can be tough,” added Kennedy-Moore, “but think of it as practice. Once your baby arrives, people will have even more opinions about what you should or shouldn’t do.”

Jacqueline Bodnar, who has two children, specializes in writing on parenting and family issues. She lives in Port Orange, Fla.