It's September, one of my favorite months of the year. The bright blue skies; the dissipation of the hot, humid air.

The Belmont County Fair, the Sternwheel Festival, the Pumpkin Festival! I can taste the Davis's French fries and the pumpkin ice cream as I type this.

September also is my anniversary month. My husband, Dave, and I are celebrating 10 years of marriage on Sept. 25. It seems like yesterday that we stood at the Oglebay Formal Gardens and exchanged our vows, surrounded by our friends and family.

Looking at our wedding photos, the testament to time passing is most obvious when I see my stepson squinting up at the camera in his tuxedo. He was 8 when we got married. Now, he looks "up" at nothing, towering at a muscular 6-4. And he started his first day of college classes today at University of Pittsburgh!

Ten years of marriage has taught me several things about the institution, although I have a lot more to learn.

First, it's never what you expect. Think marriage will solve all your problems? Prepare for a whole new slate of them. Think marriage means your loneliness will end? Don't marry a golfer, a fisherman, a sports nut or a traveling salesman! On the other hand, the worst you can imagine about marriage also is an exaggeration. You might find the "ball and chain" to be a comfy fit. You discover it's refreshing to be "tied down" and "bound" to another person for life, come what may.

Second, marriage is hard work. That "come what may" bit can be tricky. Barring abuse or adultery, nothing should split a couple up. When you live with someone day in and day out, their quirks can become annoying, their habits grating, their sense of humor stale, their preferences unappealing. As I said above, your expectations may not be met. But in other ways they may be exceeded. Concentrate on the qualities your spouse possesses that pleasantly surprise you, that swell your heart, that remind you why you fell in love with him or her in the first place.

Third, the foundation of any relationship, especially the marriage relationship, is mutual respect. When you respect your spouse and he respects you, you will always be able to MAKE THE CHOICE to support him, to journey onward by his side, to love him, despite any circumstances that disrupt your lives. When respect is absent on either side, marriage can become a thankless burden. The relationship becomes anchored in the doldrums. It may then spiral downward as the husband and wife look elsewhere - to another person, an activity, or a substance - for those good feelings that respect generates.

Sometimes even abusive and adulterous marriages can be saved. The key to that salvation is re-building respect. Chances are, you will need counseling to get there. Just like an electrician knows the best tools for the re-wiring job, a counselor has a toolbox full of ways to help couples rebuild the foundation of their relationships. It is up to each couple, however, to do the work, using those tools they have been handed. No counselor ever saved a marriage. Couples save their marriages.

To all my married readers, may this year be the best you ever experienced together!

Happy 10th anniversary, Dave! And many, many more!

- - -

I wanted to point out a couple of activities happening this month, which you'll find listed in the community calendar in the back of the magazine. First, the Ohio County Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition is having a Parents' Town Hall Meeting on Tuesday, Sept. 22, at Christ United Methodist Church in Wheeling. The focus of the meeting is the dangers of parents playing the "social host" for their teens' parties that involve alcohol.

The subject is controversial in the Ohio Valley, where some parents feel they are protecting their children by allowing them to drink at home and keeping them from getting behind the wheel. While it is good that they don't drive while drunk, just BEING drunk has ramifications to a teen's health that many parents might not be aware of. There also are legal ramifications to social hosting that parents need to know, and law enforcement officials will be on hand to spell those out.

Second, a support group for Ohio Valley victims of abuse at the hands of clergy or church officials has found a local meeting place. The national Survivors Network of people Abused by Priests, or SNAP, is now meeting at Bellaire Public Library on the second Wednesday of every month. It formerly met in Cambridge. For information, visit www.steubenvilletruth.org.

If you have an activity you would like to submit to the monthly calendar, please e-mail me at betsy@ovparent.com or mail it to me: Betsy Bethel, OV Parent, 1500 Main St., Wheeling, WV 26003.

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