Essay: The Second-Time Around

Four years ago, I was pregnant with my first child. I was the typical first-time mom. I was excited, nervous, terrified and ecstatic all at the same time. I panicked over every little change and read every book and Web site on the topic of pregnancy and birth - and there are some really terrible ones out there.

Now, I'm pregnant with my second child, and although I feel many of the same emotions, there are differences this time in the way I experience pregnancy and my expectations of childbirth and those first few months.

I was just as sick this time as I was with my first pregnancy, but the circumstances were vastly different. The first time, I thought nothing could be worse than having to show up at the office each day feeling so sick. But until I experienced morning sickness (realistically, all-day sickness) while home with a 3-year-old, I didn't understand how accommodating adults can be. When I went sprinting for the bathroom in the midst of a conversation, people would just smile sympathetically. When I forgot my make-up and had dark circles under my eyes, co-workers would leave me alone.

This time, I had a shadow follow me to the bathroom and quiz me about my activities. He could think of no reason I would rather lay on the couch than enjoy a fall day at the park. Just when I thought my energy level couldn't get any lower, it would be time to start preparing another meal I would have no chance of eating.

But, like everything else about children, this phase passed. Now, I'm looking forward to all that is to come. So much of a first pregnancy is spent wondering what a contraction really feels like or how to tell if a baby is getting enough when he nurses. Although all pregnancies, deliveries and babies are different, I feel much more confident this time about the process of pregnancy and delivery.

Another benefit is that I feel more confident in expressing myself and my wishes to my doctor and nursing staff. When it is something unfamiliar, I think we tend to defer to the professionals in most situations. After my previous experience, I know what I expect and how I want to be treated. I feel that I not only can, but should, speak up, ask the questions and make my opinion known.

If you ask 100 people about their experiences about birth and the first few months of a baby's life, you will likely get 100 different answers. Instead of trying to process them all, pay attention to the experiences that ring true to your own beliefs and values. For example, a book that makes you cringe is not the right one to read.

There are also new things to enjoy with this pregnancy.

One of the things I relish most is when my 3-year-old snuggles up to my growing belly, throws his arm around me to hug the baby and plants kisses all over his little sibling. He talks about all the things he wants to teach his brother and that he's going to "protect him." Although I'm sure he's going to be disappointed that babies don't do much besides sleep and eat, I'm anticipating the first time they sit on the floor and play with cars or blocks together.

I can't wait to watch them grow up together and share all the excitement and arguments that siblings share. I have visions of them playing catch in the backyard and of porches cluttered with bikes and sports equipment. I want to hear them cheering for each other at school events and giggling together under a tent of blankets on the living room floor.

I have three siblings myself and, although there were certainly times growing up that I wished it, I can't imagine not having them. There is a special bond between siblings that can't be replaced or replicated. On this second time around, I'm excited to give my boys the gift of each other.

Stacey Sacco is a freelance writer and grantwriter who lives in Martins Ferry with her husband and 3-year-old son. Check out her blog, Mama on Duty, at www. ovparent.com.